Strike One for Tory Boy
Since he was unaccountably elected London Mayor last week, we’ve all been waiting with baited breath to see what ‘Nice but dim’ Boris Johnson’s first piece of legislation would be…
Surely it would be something emblematic of his own personal philosophy of life, and indeed, of the wider Conservative Party’s political ethos - a ringing endorsement of individual rights, personal freedom, and therefore a sound rejection of this ‘Nanny State’ mentality that has reputedly been besetting us all since Labour took power.
Oh. Shit.
He’s only gone and stopped me having a beer on Tubes and buses.
Brilliant. I knew these next four years were going to be embarrassing. But I didn’t know it would all start within a week.
Tags: alcohol, boris johnson, tories
May 8, 2008 at 9:19 am
In a years time when after the Tory run councils start cutting services as they ALWAYS do, (which invariably impact on the old sick poor and infirm first)
Tthen after wreaking havoc for a couple of years, people collectively wake up and say “Ah yes I remember” and vote the Bastards out. Can’t be helped “there now’t so strange as folk”
May 8, 2008 at 9:49 am
Did you see the BBC’s take (on cable here) of Boris’, patron saint of the hooray henries, election?
They detailed how he had been performing as expected (i.e., like a clown), then, started taking everything seriously. (Lynton Crosby seems to be credited with this). They went and interviewed his father, who said something along the lines, “Of course he’s serious, he went for three months without a drink, and anybody who sacrifices dring for three months is very serious.”
It seems that Boris really did turn a corner. As OOB says, “there’s now’t so queer as folk.”
May 8, 2008 at 11:28 am
Come on now chaps, Boris won Ken lost…deal with it and move on.
The people of London has spoken.
May 8, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Just like you’ve moved on since 1999 hey BB?
The first time I ever went to London, I arrived mid-morning and by mid-afternoon had consumed a few bevvies with friends in preparation for attending a Spurs game (Spurs beat Leeds 2-1). Imagine my surprise when, as we left the pub, we grabbed a couple of travellers for the bus! Grand, I thought, grand; we can continue our social imbibing while we travel. It did occur to me that perhaps we were rather loud and ahemexpressesive but no one seemed to mind…
It’s an interesting move - designed, I suspect, to show how tough he is in comparison with the limp-left and it’s classically Crosby (law’n'order) but what will happen if there’s no reduction in crime? That said, ‘America’s Mayor’ did much the same kind of thing on becoming NYC Mayor in the ’90s (the so-called broken-windows approach)
May 8, 2008 at 7:27 pm
“Just like you’ve moved on since 1999 hey BB?”
ROFLAPATLFBB! *
Yes, the 99.9% of people who drink responsibly on public transport are now paying for the sins of the 0.1% of people who don’t. That’s how the Tories are showing ‘faith’ in the electorate and giving us back our ‘freedom’ from the nanny state… Harumph.
Anyway, more importantly, Mardy… are you a Spurs fan? Sweet!
* Rolls on floor laughing and pointing at that lying freak big bruv
May 8, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Whatever next, eh? Here’s The Daily Mash with that story…
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/johnson-bans-scotsmen-from-the-tube-20080507932/
JOHNSON BANS SCOTSMEN FROM THE TUBE
BORIS Johnson is to ban Scotsmen from the London Underground in a bid to make the Tube more bearable for everyone else.
The London mayor said a Scots-free Tube would be less intimidating for ordinary travellers, and would not smell so badly of chips, blood, spilt lager and urine.
He said: “As we all know the Scot is incapable of sitting on anything with wheels attached unless already drunk, or carrying enough booze to knock out an Irish bank manager and his wife for a weekend.
“For god’s sake man. It’s eight-thirty in the morning. You’re only going two stops on the Northern Line to get to your surgery. Do you really need six cans and a hip flask?
“Am I your best pal? I don’t think so. We’ve never actually been formally introduced and it is unlikely that my best pal would be urinating on my foot.”
Karen Simmons, of Passengers First!, said she thought it was important that London took a strong stand against all forms of Scottishness on public transport.
She said: “I am not your ‘hen’ and my ‘jaiket’ looked just fine without the spittle, thank-you.”
However, Bob Crow, leader of the RMT union, said his members were not trained to distinguish Scotsmen from other illegal foreigners.
He added: “And what about the Romanians? They’re violent and don’t speak English. How are we supposed to tell them apart?”
May 8, 2008 at 10:32 pm
No Beer on the tube eh?
Tennents super or Carlsberg Special brew?
Shit, next he will make you leave your hoodie and flick knife at home as well.
Only fair I suppose, they have already banned the heavily tanned from carrying backpacks.
May 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm
“No Beer on the tube eh?
Correct.
“Tennents super or Carlsberg Special brew?”
That’s right. And no Kronenbourg no Carling no Guinness no Bacardi Breezers and no Babysham and no etc, etc, etc.
“Shit, next he will make you leave your hoodie”
I’m hoping not. I love my hoodie.
“and flick knife at home as well.”
If Boris has a plan to rid London of knives then I’m all ears. Oh. Apparently he does. It’s this: No beer on the tube and more bobbies on the beat! Brilliant! :-/
“Only fair I suppose, they have already banned the heavily tanned from carrying backpacks.”
No. They haven’t.
May 8, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I really miss getting on the turps in London, I haven’t been back for 8 years.
Anyway, he has a tough road to hoe. banning drinking in Public and putting more woodentops on the beat is a good start. What would you suggest he does next?
May 8, 2008 at 11:40 pm
The rhetoric about more cops on the beat was always spurious. The record shows that that’s what Livingstone did - and with good effect.
So if crime actually does fall under Johnson - as we all hope it shall - it will only be continuing the trend that started under the previous mayor.
So the fact that crime was an issue at all during the election was a bit of a media beat-up. The Evening Standard screaming about murders on its front page does not mean that their number was any greater.
As for what Boris needs to do… Most people agree that the primary duty of any London mayor is to manage transport requirements. In this case Boris’s task will be to match eight years in which the use of public transport has increased faster than in any other comparable city in the western world. The C Charge and Oystercard schemes are admired around the world (I’ve heard that Paris is currently working with on a similar plan). In the 90s, utter gridlock looked inevitable. Livingstone’s tenure saw off that danger, while carbon emissions were stabilised at the same time. He delivered new bus routes and increased the frequencies on existing ones. He’s also co-ordinated river transport, and instigated Crossrail, Thameslink and the East London Line Extension.
If Boris can put his pink gin down long enough to achieve a tenth of that, then I’ll be fairly chuffed with the silly goose.
May 9, 2008 at 12:51 am
No beer on the tube? Do you think they’ll mind Guiness?
May 9, 2008 at 2:27 am
I’ll test this theory (and thousands of others will too) and get back to you.
May 10, 2008 at 7:00 pm
You are so silly, he is not nice but dim, no one who went to Eton as a King’s Scholar as Johnson did is dim, nor who then went to Oxford, where he was President of the Oxford Union is dim, especially as he went to Oxford as a Brackenbury Scholar in classics.
He may make some comments which many may regard as silly, that does not mean he is dim.
Your rather antediluvian prejudices are showing.
BTW keeping the public consumption of alcohol down is something many councils in NZ now pursue to reduce public order issues, as they do in Australia and other civilised countries
May 14, 2008 at 9:00 pm
“Only fair I suppose, they have already banned the heavily tanned from carrying backpacks.”
No. They haven’t.”
Nope - they don’t bother with bans - they just shoot ‘em.
May 15, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Okay, I’m going to say this even though I know it’s deliberately incindiary - does being a classics major actually mean a person is clever? I mean, I’ve spent a bit of time at univeristy myself, and I’ve definitely done papers where one could sail through on pure rote learning. In fact, a good deal of university seems to be like that. Still, King’s Scholar… he does sound quite the teacher’s pet!
Having said all this, what’s really irritating is the same old thing - if there’s a problem with violent crime in London (and there is) measures like extra cops and no more booze are ambulance at the bottom of the cliff measures for broad social problems which are expressly related to the distribution of wealth and education in Capitalist societies. But I know I sound like a tired old Marxist (this is possibly because I AM a tired old Marxist.)
Let’s just hope there’s no repetition of the kebab incident…
Love to you all
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